My RPG Life

I'm a part of a few Facebook groups, YouTube channels and other forums about roleplaying games. Because Dungeons and Dragons or D&D is considered the granddaddy of all RPGs those terms are often used interchangeably. Thus, when you come across posts speaking in hushed, reverent tones about playing the "Game" they may or may not mean D&D specifically. Nowadays, some younger players might not know why a lot of us older guys continue to use "hushed, reverent tones" or are otherwise secretive when referring to RPGs. They're just games after all is said and done. I wouldn't say the hipsters are completely wrong. There are some pretentious, old grognards that are so full of hot air that they could probably use a good kick in the pants, but the younger sect doesn't always understand how people reacted to the hobby back in its infancy. The "Satanic Panic" of the 1980's is well documented and I would direct anyone with an interest to search for information at their leisure. As kid growing up in Georgia in the southern part of the U.S. it's a wonder that I got into RPGs at all. I was and do remain a Christian, but I've never seen anything wrong with the hobby--and fortunately, for me neither did my parents. It's too bad for the game that this stuff still comes up from time to time. Beyond being allegedly fueled by demons, there were even more issues. Today all things geek are in--for how long who knows?--but back in the old days, you were considered an outcast if people knew that you had geeky hobbies, and the older you got, the worse "normal" people's perceptions of you became. Stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason. It is true that a lot of us figuratively were living in our parents' basements and for the most part that we were shy, introverted males. I know it was true for me. Young guys today have it easier, what with real, live girls wanting to play and all that. I even hear tales that some of these girls aren't being dragged to the table by their boyfriends or husbands and may even be available--imagine that. In my day you rarely saw a girl and even if you did she probably didn't want to be there and/or the guys would run her off in short order. Even today if there is one real danger in RPGs it is that you can spend a lot of time and money in enjoying it. If you are a single guy and there aren't any girls at your table...you might need to go on a hiatus from playing for a bit...don't let us old, marrieds make you complacent in pursuits of the heart. So, with these kinds of stereotypes and sometimes outright hostility toward hobbyists in mind, it's easier to see why people aren't or weren't as open about discussing their past time with others. It also helps to explain why some older DMs will be more 'protective' of their games and less likely, in some cases, to give the amount of 'player agency' that has come to be expected in modern games.

As for my own history with the game, I was introduced to RPGs in the early 80's around when the D&D cartoon and toy-line came out. I "ran" games for my younger brother and his friend for a few years--mostly the old Marvel Superheroes game--before getting into a semi-regular D&D game with friends my age in the 90's. I learned later that we were mostly playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2nd edition, but we played all sorts of systems including original World of Darkness, original Deadlands, Warhammer Fantasy RPG and many Palladium games among others. I had a slight hiatus in the 00's because I couldn't find anyone to play with and the wife wasn't and isn't into it. I more or less missed all of 3 and 3.5. In the 10's with the advent of Roll 20 and sheer luck of finding a group out here--I work in the UAE--, I'm currently playing more often and with more varied systems than I ever have before. I have every intention of getting my daughter involved as soon as she is old enough, so hopefully I'll keep playing for years to come.

Is there a point to all that exposition? Not much, but to say in all those years, across different editions and games, with different formats and even while living in different nations, I've been lucky enough to avoid much of the drama that I read about in the Facebook forums or see on YouTube . Here I want to give what I think have been my "rules" for success:

1. Be understanding of each other and remember you are playing because it's fun. If there's a lot of diversity in age/sex/background/game experience among the players around the table, look at it as a good thing. Use your RP skills to try to have empathy with others around the table. Most of the time we're playing with people who are already our friends, but if you are meeting and playing with new people cut them some slack.

2. Let the DM/GM have his way because it's his job. You may run differently when you are in the chair. It may even turn out that you are actually incompatible with this DM's style and need to find a new group, but when the game is on, I find it best to let it go. Does this mean being railroaded? Not necessarily. A good DM won't buffalo you, and players should be collaborating with each other and the DM to create a fun session. What you don't want to do is to get hung up on one ruling or another and derail the whole night. Also keep experience in mind--both the DM's and the other players around the table. It may seem the DM is favoring one player over another--be sure that player isn't a rookie getting extra help before you complain. Maybe it's a spotlight for that character this week and others will get the same opportunity in coming weeks. Maybe the player getting all the attention is interacting heavily while the rest of the players are sitting around and saying anything. Maybe the DM really isn't any good and he's trying to hit on a girl who managed to appear at his table by favoring her character. It may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato or any other reason that is keeping him from doing what you consider right--but for the sake of expediency and for the people around the table that night, you try to be the adult and let it go.

3. Session Zero. This is the "boring" session where players and DM should decide what kind of campaign is going to be run and you work together to create a character. I find that it's imperative to have this session and almost any other problems that may come up with the campaign can be avoided by taking the time to up front to let the players and the DM know what they are getting into. There are a lot of good videos on YouTube about session zero. Look them up. If new people come in mid-campaign there's no need for a second zero session, but it wouldn't be a bad idea for the whole group to help work the new character in. At the very least the DM should make sure that the new character is compatible with the rest of the players before the introduction.

4. Real World. Try not to commit to running or playing in a game unless you are going to have the time to make the commitment. You have to let the real world have its place. Don't lose your job, marriage or quality time with the kids over our silly hobby. As I'm typing this I'm missing a session because my toddler is sick. Now, I'm not doing much more for her than mother could by herself, but my being here means if something pops up I can lend a helping hand. If your players or DM have to layout once in a while, cut them some slack. Try not to be a flake though if you can help it--this is where I'd be giving the Forest Whitaker eye to most the folks I play with on Roll 20--although I have met some good players there too.

5.Watch your time and your money. Pretty much same as 4, but ya gotta have a top 5. The real danger of RPGs is enjoying them too much. Nowadays depending on how crooked you are, you can get most stuff for free. Even if you are Lawful Good, most companies will offer you enough free material that is completely legal to get you playing. Yet, if you aren't careful you can spend a small fortune trying to collect everything or just getting overly involved in the newest products to come out. I should practice what I preach, but Kickstarter has ushered in a golden age of niche products and almost everyone of them is something that I want to buy. Also, keep in mind that time is something you have to be mindful of. If you are a young single male, I must reiterate, beware. Not all gamer geeks grow up to be Vin Diesel. You might wake up in the parents' basement one day trying to run the game for a bunch of stray cats. Go out and make friends with varied interests and recruit them to the game. Don't skip out on exercise and taking care of yourself. Enjoy the game and make it work for you.

Anyhow, that was one long rant. I like getting it out of my system though.